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The countdown is on….

June 24, 2013

Only a few more days and dad goes into surgery. EEK!!!

It’s come around very quickly but I honestly can’t wait until Thursday. It feels like we have a sword hanging over our heads, so the sooner he gets the surgery done the better. We will all breathe easier. I must say it’s been an interesting few days with dad because his moods are all over the place, which I know is a result of him being scared. For anyone that has been in this situation with a loved one, I don’t know if you expereinced this, but I feel like nothing I do is good enough for him at the moment  ( let me throw in that I feel like a twat making this about me but I promised to be honest). I know my dad can be moody but this side of his attitude threw me a little. If it was me, I would be holding my family close – he seems to be doing the opposite and pushing me away. He probably doesn’t even realise he’s doing it. Or maybe my positivity is getting on his nerves. I think I’ve mentioned that at the best of times, my dad is a ‘glass-is-half-empty-and-we’re-all-doomed’ kinda guy, so I have to actively be a ‘glass-is-half-full-yeah-life-is-awesome’ kinda girl. To every negative comment, I come back with a positive comment. To every ‘why me’ I come back with ‘you are loved by God and blessed’. This is constant. If he doesn’t say it to me, he will say it to mum, who then repeats it to me. So I repeat the process with mum. It is draining on a couple of levels. Firstly, being around that kind of negativity brings you down, so I need to make sure that I’m also ministering to myself and keeping my positivity and faith up. Secondly, it’s frustrating to have to constantly repeat the same thing, especially for someone like me who tends to say out loud the things I’m thinking. Let’s just say not everyone appreciates my straight-forwardness! I’ve found myself over the last week praying for God to keep His hand over my mouth. If anyone out there is praying for me, please make that a prayer point! 🙂 

On a positive note, God has blessed me with an awesome osteopath Jon, who has given me access to his gym (being that I’m not working, gym memberships are out of budget for me), so I’ve been hitting the gym a few times a week which has been a great outlet for me. Exercising, combined with my counselling course and my Bibles tudy course, have been a great way to stay sane. This blog has also highlighted how blessed I am with the people around me as I’m getting so much love and support. Big love and hugs to you.

I’ve been keeping the blog to one entry a week to date however when dad goes into surgery I will probably up the ante and load multiple entries throughout the week to keep everyone posted on the progress. In the meantime, please keep dad in your prayers.

God bless xx 

 

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